Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize