My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
