that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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