Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
