If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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