We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize