Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
