Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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