I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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