Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
