I wish I could punch you in the face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
