How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
