its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
BRING THE BAGELS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
