I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
third nipple confirmed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize