I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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