last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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