she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your penis caused this!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
