I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
