help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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