We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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