So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
