My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
