I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
