my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
