I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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