I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
