Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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