My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
where are my eyebrows?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
