I cockslap morals
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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