I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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