im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
