she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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