is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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