Having a random hookup so left but love u
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
