All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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