woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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