His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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