She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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