So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
