I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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