I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
