At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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