You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
