Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
