My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
