Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
