I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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