my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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