thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And then he peed in my hair
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