Already got asked if we're dating
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
