Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
