drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
