my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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