It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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