Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
