new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
