am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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