Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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