so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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