You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am midnight drunk by noon
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
