Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
