Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
