Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
