It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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