If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
