Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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