i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
