thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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